Please Don't Cry
by AllenxKanda2
Summary: Before Mana died he was head of the Black Order Yakuza. When his son turned 6 he was murdered. His son's name is Allen Walker, and he wittnessed the whole thing. The murder of his Father left him traumatized and with amnesia, but when the yakuza come barging back into his life bringing with them his memories of Mana, what will happen to Allen's mind and how can Kanda Yuu help?
1. Chapter 1

Please Don't Cry

Heyllo my fellow readers. I'm very happy you are reading this although I have absolutely no idea who you are. Any way and fish… If you are reading this because you know my other story _The Lonely Kanda_ I am extremely happy that you liked it enough to look at my others! Also, this is only my second FF so, sorry but I wouldn't look forward to long chapters, I'm not the type. I am way more a reader than a writer but I still do a little just to practice and to feel proud of myself. ;)

Additionally, if you have read _The Lonely Kanda_ this is going to be considerably darker. My other story is all fluffy and lovey-dovey, while this one is going to be quite mind-twisting and sadistic. Well, at least that's what I'm going for… Any way I do ask that you review, bringing up the topic of this being my second FF and I need to know if people like or hate the way I write. Anyway, if you just read all this and are going to leave a review say the secret word Dogs in with your opinion and I will mention you in the next chapter. Thanks!

One

Allen POV

Red… It's everywhere. People are flooding in. Why? Oh yeah, it's sort of coming back now. Mana told me to hide and then- and then _what_? What happened after that? The color red, that's all I can see… Those people what are they saying? Why can't I hear them? Why can't I see? What is it that I'm supposed to be remembering? What's happening to me?! "_Please somebody, help me! I can't take this anymore; I… I need… help…_"

**BRRIINNNGGG!** My eyes snapped open at the sound of my alarm clock going off. _'Whoa, what a shitty dream, I wonder why I would dream something like that?'_ Looking down at myself I see that I'm covered in sweat, and thank whatever higher force it was that made me set the clock to go off sooner than normal the night before. Seeing that it was only 6:30 A.M. in the morning, taking a shower didn't sound too horrible at the moment.

After getting dressed it was just like any other day except for the fact that I am two or three minutes late to school but it didn't matter considering I am always early anyway. And with that I left for a normal routine of daily life.

Kanda POV

Picking up the recorder I start to relay the actions of the white haired boy across the street, "7:36 A.M., Allen Walker seems to be heading out to school. No suspicious acts, as of yet, are taking place." Click. "God this is boring!" Recalling the speech I got from Komui this morning made my attention slip for a moment.

"_Good morning Kanda-kuuun! This time you are being put on a very special mission. Have you ever heard of Mana Walker? Well never mind, I'll explain it to you anyway. He was the former head of the Black Order Yakuza you now serve. The boy you will be inspecting and monitoring is none other than Mana Walker's very own child. His name is Allen Walker… Another thing, if under any circumstance it seems he might do something dangerous, illegal, and or is put in danger in any way, you are to immediately stop him or save him, whichever is called for at the time. Also, if none of the formerly mentioned scenarios are taking place you are not to let your existence be known. Do you understand? Good, now leave. You shouldn't come back until your assignment is completed, I expect him to never leave your sight. The rest you need to know is in the manila folder under your chair."_

Really, come on now? Head of the Yakuza his dad may have been but honestly, this kid couldn't be more normal. Well that is with the exception of his snow white hair, tattooed eye, (Well sort of?) and his odd fashion sense, which is only concerning his choice of long sleeve shirts at the hottest time of the school year, OH and let's not forget those sexy looking gloves. '_Ha-ha,' _What a weird high school student.

Anyway it's kind of funny how everybody at Black Order headquarters is freaking out over such a normal child. I almost feel bad for him because of the fact that his perfectly normal life could be ruined just because of his blood-father's former occupation… but then again what happens to him only matters to me because of the effect that it, shouldn't, but would have on the Black Order.

_"My God I'm going to die if I don't get some action, like NOWISH! Wait, wait, wait-" _All of a sudden our favorite little Snow White was surrounded by goons from a very queer-looking sort of cult… Is what I _would _have said if I didn't know these people were from a local yakuza group that is supposed to be one of the least powerful out of pretty much all of the existing families in this entire area.

Getting out of my car quickly to protect our little master gave me a better view of what was happening and I stopped dead in my tracks.

Allen POV

About half way to school I realized that people were following me. All my life, for no reason that I know of, different kinds of people have constantly been on my ass. Meaning I'm always getting attacked, for a reason that is -to me- nonexistent. So at about ten years of age, I enrolled myself in Karate and threw myself into bad areas to start fights so that I would learn modern techniques of fighting as well. Learning the way to fight wasn't hard as much as it just hurt sometimes, but if I do say so myself, I had a knack for this certain skill of destruction.

I walked to an unpopulated area so as not to draw attention to myself and waited, in a very desolate place, for the pricks that were following me.

"Yo Kid! You Allen Walker?" Ahhh and the first one is here.

"So what if I am? Is there something wrong with that name?"

"You want an honest answer?"

"No, you fucking prick, I want your car!"

"… I don't… have… a car… Oh…. Wait… I don't take that kinda talk from children like you!"

"Wow, dude you're real bright aren't ya? But anyway, back to the subject of my name," But I didn't have time to finish, reason being, I was surrounded.

Looking around I saw about 13 men. Not too bad but it would help if Tykki and Lavi were here to help me. Sadly though, I was alone on this one. As the first man came forward, I noticed that a few of them had metal poles. My guess is that they were _planning_ on using those afore mentioned poles, as bats. Of course though, they should look into their opponent before going up against whoever that person may be. I could tell they didn't do so as soon as I saw the bat-like poles swinging back and forth. My favorite type of fight is one with horrible odds!

Crack! 'OH! That has _got _to hurt!' I thought as my fist connected with some guy's face. My hands were used to this by now. Hitting people, feeling the impact, it's like some sort of music. No matter what melody you play, as long as it's smooth it will reach someone.

Immediately after my hand connected I felt air pressure build behind me. Of course with my total choice reflexes there was no way that strike could have hit me. As I dodged I did a backflip with a perfectly aimed foot to the balls. After this I heard a loud pitched noise.

I don't know what the sound was but there was no way I could have missed the man making it. The whistle or whatever it was that this man was doing sounded like some birds call. Though obviously it was more than just a bird's call, as the people attacking me have begun to run.

Ignoring the fact that they were leaving I was more interested in who the man was, as well as whose side he was on. But looking at him closer, this man was WAY pretty! Like a women that had a _successful_ plastic surgery. In all places. Sadly, at this time, my thoughts were interrupted by the voice of the very thing I was thinking about.

"Allen, it's nice to finally meet you. My name is Kanda Yuu."

OK so that was the first chapter. I personally am not too sure about the plot but I'll leave it up to you guys to decide whether I continue writing it or not.

Well now that this is finished, I will warn you. Kanda. Will. Be. Nice!? YES OMG HE IS GOING TO BE A GOOD PERSON! If you dislike having Kanda not be an ass then sorrrryyyy. I just like writing him this way. You'd get it if you went to read my other story, but I really do dislike how most people portray Kanda. He is a love interest not Chucky! But anyway don't forget to review, I'm not sure if I'll continue this so give me your opinions okay?

I'll try to update ASAP but I don't promise anything. Bye.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok so I know this took a while but here is the second chapter. School will be starting in like 3 or 4 days so when that happens I apologize but the updating on either of my stories will be very slow. Any way here it is.

Two

Kanda

"Allen, it's nice to finally meet you. My name is Kanda Yuu." _'Shit'_ was all I could think. I was so getting lectured on the meaning of incognito when I get back to HQ. I mean Komui did tell me to stop anything that looked like trouble for our little Prince, but by the looks of it, this kid would have been perfectly fine had I left him to his business. At first the kid looks normal, well as normal as a kid with white hair, tattoos (Maybe), and his unique fashion sense. But none of those miniscule details matter, he still is supposed to be a normal kid!

"Hello Kanda Yuu. May I ask exactly why you know my name and what you just did?" Whoa the kid is polite as fuck… This is going to be hard. I mean a kid as nice - I'll admit he has some fighting skills – as this doesn't usually want to be part of the mafia.

"I know your name for a reason that will be too hard and long to explain here and what I just did ties in with the before mentioned reason. We will speak later in a safer place. In the meantime you need to go home, I'll drive."

"No." _'Huh?' _Did he just tell me **no**? What the fuck? I spend all my time trying to watch over this kid and when I'm trying to protect him some more he says no?

"Ok, let's get something straight. You don't get to say no. I've spent my whole morning watching over you and I am not in the best of moods because of it"-

"You've been…_ Watching _me? Oh no… What the fuck did Cross promise you this time?! I do **not** sell my body for him anymore!" I was shocked. Ok no, there was more than that, I was appalled. What had he just said? _Sell his body? _Like as in… sex? Sure I'd done it an uncountable amount of times but, he was just kid. Having sex whoever it might be with it should still be with someone you think you love at the time, at least for the first time. I may be me but I still have morals!

"Huh?" Was really all I could manage to get out of my mouth? This was horrible, me, The Kanda Yuu, was shocked into silence!

"You heard me! Go and tell Cross that I'm not selling myself for him ever again! He's a sick bastard and he deserves to go to hell! I'm sick of helping him out of his fucked up situations! But then again if I were you I wouldn't be the messenger for that, he would end up hurting someone because of what I just said and if you were the one to tell him then you being the closest he would probably grab you… But anyway whatever it is he owes you Mr. Kanda Yuu I'm sure you can find someone else to pay it for you." After that long remark he just decided to walk away. But of course I couldn't let him do that.

"I have _no_ idea what you're talking about so, would you kindly tell me about this man named 'Cross'? His address, his looks, oh and if possible his license plate number would all be very much appreciated." I so do not want to get involved in this but it doesn't look like I've got a choice. This man could very well be a member of some other yakuza family and if so there is a lot more to this kid that we need to know before doing whatever it is that Komui has planned to do with him.

Allen waited for a while before answering, probably thinking about how to describe the man in question. "Are you a cop?" Or not. What- Why?! Why the _fuck _would _anyone_ think _I _was a _cop_?! It just doesn't click! Does it look like I'm a cop? NO!

"…..No. No, I can very honestly say that I am most certainly _not_ a cop." Was the entirety of my thoughts at the moment.

"Well if you aren't a cop looking for Cross, and Cross didn't send you himself, then how do you know name and what do you want with me? Make the explanation quick too because I don't want to miss 2nd period."

Wow this kid is demanding. Fine, if that is what he wants. "Do you remember your father?"

"Ok so you _do_ know Cross… Am I _missing _something?"

"What? Never mind. Obviously you don't remember who your blood father is. Am I right?"

"You knew my real parents?! Who are they? Where are they?!... Did they leave me with that man because they didn't want me?" Oh shit. This is not going to be easy. I seriously don't want to hurt this kid but he asked.

"Your father is deceased. Your mother died of an illness shortly after you were born. No one but your father knows who she was. But we all know who your father is. His name is Mana Walker. Also, no he did not give you up because he did not love you, he did love you very deeply." By now the kid was on his knees looking hopeless. I helped him up to sit in the car before I continued, "He was a great man who we all admired and you were rumored to be the jewel that nobody had doubts in. But when you were six years old he was murdered. And just so you know I personally have never met him, though I do know people who have." Now silent tears glistened on his beautifully defeated face.

"You keep saying 'we' and you say murdered, are you sure? Who are these 'we' you keep referring to? And if you are sure he was murdered you have to know who did it right?" Allen muttered after he composed himself slightly. I'm sort of surprised that he is being so strong. If I were him and all my hopes of ever finding my real parents were crushed by some stranger I would deny it to no end while balling my eyes out at the same time. Especially since it seems this Cross guy might have been his benefactor and it sounds like Allen has been through some sort of hell all his life. But while I was amazed at his braveness it kind of pissed me off as well.

"Fuck this!" I screamed and watched Allen flinch at the outburst. "If you want to cry you should fucking cry! God! Watching you be so composed is insulting. I'm being serious here! Your real parents are dead! You, from what you have said, have always been waiting for your parents to take you away from 'that man' so why the fuck are holding it all in?!" I looked over at Allen accusingly only to see that he was very afraid and cowering in a corner, so I toned down a bit.

"Ok, I get it you don't want to cry in front of a stranger, but it's ok. You can use my shoulder if you need something to cry on." He was still hesitant, but I could see that he was considering it so I pulled him over to me and immediately he was balling like a new born.

Two and a Half Minutes Later

By this time Allen had quieted down and was being still enough for me too start driving. The drive to his house was really only about five minutes long, so getting there wouldn't take too long.

"Shhh… It's ok. You know the 'we' that I was talking about earlier?" Feeling a nod on my shoulder I took the opportunity to introduce the Black Order to him slowly, "Well, your father was a very important man. He was the head of the Black Order. The Black Order is a yakuza family." I could feel Allen go rigid and then urge me to continue by nodding his head once again, "Black Order is the top organization here in Tokyo all thanks to your very own flesh and blood… And to answer your question from before, yes. Yes we do know who killed your father."

This time instead of going rigid he snapped. His head flew black and he screamed hopefully, "Does that mean that you killed whoever it was?!"

"Of course the person isn't dead! Our Black Order may be the yakuza but we don't specialize in killing. Yes, we have assassins who deal with that stuff but your father wouldn't have wanted us to dirty our hands in order to avenge him! He wasn't that type of person! Or so I hear."

"What? Why? You say you're Yakuza but you won't kill? Isn't that just a little bit condescending?"

I thought for a moment before answering. It's true, the way we act is condescending but, we like to uphold a certain bushido. A bushido where we right others when they do wrong but, killing just for the fun of it is completely off limits! If there is no reason to take a man's life then you shouldn't do it, that's all. But how should I explain how we got to the top? "We are the most level-headed of all the families in the area so it's easy for us to make correct decisions. And while killing is a temporary solution for almost any problem, it will later just make things more difficult. You never know if a friend of someone you have knocked will someday be important, and if that does happen all connections will go down the drain."

"Who cares about having connections, God dammit, my father's _pride_ lives on this"-

"That isn't true; he would never want someone to die for the sake of his life. You should have memories, he was a good man. He may have killed people in his lifetime but he certainly didn't take pride in the fact!" Now we had reached his house and were sitting in the driveway. Allen looked pissed when he got out of the car while slamming the door. _'Oh well, guess I'll try again next time,' _I thought with a sigh.

Ok so that was chapter two. Review if you can and thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, so I haven't been getting very many reviews at all but I'll continue it just because this story is eating me away with ideas and blocking my flow for my main story, **_**Lonely Kanda**_**, and that bugs me. Anyway here it is chapter three of PDC. That is just how I abbreviate the title because there is no point in writing it out. **

**And just a little warning, there is cutting is this chapter, or at least a little bit of it until… well you'll just have to read to find out now won't you?**

Three

**Allen**

Sitting in my room my thoughts ran to today's earlier events and it wouldn't stop. I had long since given up on the idea of going to school and not missing the _entire _day as opposed to just being late.

My parents were dead. My only hope of getting revenge seems to have died with them seeing as how my Father's… _acquaintances _have this rule against killing. And they are Yakuza! What the hell is wrong with killing when, being the top organization in Tokyo, you know you can't be touched?! Also… My dad was the head of the Yakuza? Out of everything, drug user who couldn't take care of his/her kids, raped and wouldn't have an abortion but couldn't keep me either, losing me because they couldn't take care of me, or just simply not wanting me, them being dead members of the Yakuza was never an option that came to my mind! Although, that isn't what irks me. If you think about it, it makes sense. My dad being a badass fighting machine that ran a family of other cool fighters, it explains at least where my fighting skills came from.

What does scare me is another thing Mr. Kanda had said, _"You should have memories, he was a good man." _And, _"…when you were six years old he was murdered." _What does that mean? I didn't even know this man existed; much less remember him from when I was little. Always I had just thought it was normal to not remember before you turned a certain age then you started remembering things that happened as you grew older. But deep inside me I knew that was just something I came up with because it hurt to be the only one who didn't know who he was when he was little.

Deep down, I knew something was hidden from me. Something only I knew. Something dangerous. Something that I had hated so much that it all disappeared without a trace inside of me. But now it felt like that something was coming back. It scared me. If I was so scared of it that it had to be erased, then what would happen when I figured out what it was? A feeing inside told me that nothing good was going to happen.

It had been a long day and although it was only two in the afternoon I decided to go to sleep. If not for the night, I would be fine just taking a nap. Being as exhausted as I was my body definitely agreed with me.

"AHHHHH!" I screamed as my whole body lurched forward and up on my bed. A nightmare two days in a row… Something was going on. Never having had many nightmares my life, it was too weird to just start having them now, especially at this time. Thinking back at it, the nightmare felt too real. Like it didn't belong to just a dream.

At the beginning it was just normal, me walking to a place that I didn't know. My legs just carried me to the unknown destination. I looked around and realized I'd never seen the area before. It was a quiet place in the middle of an almost ghostly vicinity, though I wasn't scared. It was like I knew the place in my heart, but in my mind it had been long forgotten, like a place from a past life. Or a forgotten one.

It was comfortable to me, this area that is. I felt _right_. But then things turned dark, red and black filled the sky until it swallowed me whole. There was no more road, no more houses, no more place to go. It was just black but I realized it wasn't black it was just blurring together as if a DVD was being fast forwarded very quickly. Then it stopped. Nothing was seen it, just all of a sudden, stopped. Then, colors, they started to fade in and I could soon make out a picture.

There was a man. He looked happy to see me. I felt happy to see him as well, though I didn't know who he was. Just like the area the whole thing just felt like a lost memory from some weird past life. And he was important. Very. A man with so much worth that it hurt just thinking about being away from him for even just a minute. Life was great.

Then it was black again and this time I wasn't as shocked as I knew it was probably just going to the next slide in time. But what I saw when the colors faded in made me sick. Immediately I felt as if life should just end. There was so much _red_! The man who looked so lovingly at me only moments ago, the same man who I felt the need to be with at all times, was lying on the floor. _Dead. _There was a pool of red liquid lying around him, and I could hear shrieking somewhere in the distance though I was almost positive that it was coming from me.

The man's eyes looked terribly sad. Like he had failed to accomplish something very important – a promise maybe- and died before he could get the chance to. But along with sadness, he looked scared. Not scared for himself, in his eyes you could see that though he was sad to have failed he accepted his death. He was scared for someone else. Perhaps the person he had failed to keep his promise with? The whole thing was terrifying. I felt as if my heart was being crushed indefinitely and was unable to control my screaming.

My whole world had died. Not only that but somewhere inside me I knew that this had actually happened before. There was no way this was just a dream. It was too real. Too horrible to make up. The one and only thing I lived for was gone and I could feel my emotions fading away. After time they just diminished and I didn't know where it was that I had gone. At some point I had gotten up to run away. A point before my emotions had left me.

I lay there, deathly still, hardly aware of my surroundings as I feel a shadow hover over me. I'm vaguely aware of it when my head is pulled up and moved from side to side with rough, calloused hands. Eventually it stopped and the person told me to look at him or maybe her, I couldn't tell. I say that but it never registered with me exactly what it was that he/she was saying. It was only heard, in one ear and out the other in less than a second. No recognition at all. My emotions were still gone and my brain had been cut off a while ago. Then…

_**SLAP!**_

And that's when I woke up screaming. I feel as if the scream came from my emotions being set back in place when I was slapped. And the feelings I had were too much to handle. So I screamed, and felt like screaming more, until I calmed down. Streaks of tears were left from when I must have cried during the dream.

Crying was the next best thing to screaming so when I felt the tears on my cheeks I wasn't surprised that I had cried in my sleep. But when I felt more run down my face I felt alarmed. Was the dream so horrible that I need to cry even now? It was just a dream so why cry over it…. Right? No. I knew that definitely wasn't just a dream. It was too vivid. But crying isn't allowed not for me. Living with Cross taught me to control myself. But this was different. The sobs and the tears were both very uncontrollable until I couldn't take it anymore. I had to resort to something I haven't done in a long time.

"Nngh!" I heard myself let out the sound before I could stop. I watched as the blood from my left wrist coated my hand and fore arm before gathering to much blood in one place and dropping to the floor. Seeing it drop helped me envision my emotions fade away. The red droplets splashed against the floor and my heart imagined my emotions dispersing, just like that. Once I had come back to reality I realized this hurt more than before. Maybe because I hadn't done it in a while? I don't know but if don't keep going these emotions are going to drive me into a wall again, so I won't stop. I sat there with a box cutter in hand placing it onto my left wrist before I hear a loud crash in the living room. But by then I was so far gone it didn't register exactly what that meant. I kept going as the pain slowly faded and I went with it, to an unknown place. To nowhere.

**Kanda**

I had watched Allen go inside but didn't leave, I wasn't supposed to. So I stayed. And for a while nothing happened I heard nothing going on so I felt no need to do anything like going in there and taking up his living space.

But after a while I heard a scream. Immediately I got out of the car and ran to his door. I didn't knock, after all he could have just fallen down and been surprised enough to scream, though I doubted it. So I waited for more noises to find out what had happened. Soon I heard choked sobs and muffled but loud crying that could be counted as a soft scream. I had heard enough. Something was going on and I needed to get in there. Now. I took out a lock pick that I always took around for occasions when I got bored and stuck it in the key hole. The cries have gotten softer but I could tell he was still hurting. Call it instinct.

Soon after a little fiddling I heard a click and burst in. Very ungracefully if you were to ask anyone who saw, but no one was watching.

I heard a noise in the bathroom and ran straight there. Ignoring the furniture and things I knocked over. But when I reached the bathroom what I saw was enough to kill me. There, sitting in the middle of the floor was none other than Allen Walker himself. And he was holding a box cutter. And his left hand was bleeding a lot. It took me a second to realize what was going on but soon it clicked. And as soon as it did I leaped into action. No way was I just going to watch as he continued to hurt himself.

I wasn't looking at his face as he was sitting towards the bath tub that runs parallel to the door. But when I jumped to grab the razor and _did_ see his face I was scared. I was scared for this child who was completely void of anything. In his eyes you could see that he wasn't there. I wondered if it were blood loss or something else altogether. A little birdy told me it was the latter…

All I could do was watch as Allen moved his right hand again in a motion to cut his other (I had forgotten to take it away) with the knife like object. I was enraptured with the sight of Allen quickly losing himself. Was he always like this? No, no there was no way this was the same kid that was running to school with a goofy grin on his face just half a day ago. Not even a day… And this is what that kid turned into. Slowly I reached for the knife and took it away. He didn't notice it seems since he just kept moving in that horrible motion to cut whatever was left of his wrist.

I looked for his phone to see if I could call a friend of his and ask them to come over and see what was wrong. Rummaging through his stuff brought me to no phone and more panic-ness. Soon a realization hit me when I thought, '_His pants!'_ And quickly I searched his pockets to find his phone. I clicked redial to see if the last person he called could tell me how to fix this.

_Riiinnggg riiinnggg riiinnggg,_ I was about to hang up and dial something else when, "Hey Allen!" A very happy sounding boy answered. I looked to see who I called and it said Lavi. Ok well, here goes nothing…

"Hi… Lavi… This is Kanda Yuu, you don't know me but you need to come to Allen's place right now."

A little hesitation and, "…Why do you have Al's phone?" UGH! Why can't people just take a hint?!

"**It doesn't matter! I need you here at Allen's place now or he could very well be put into more danger!**" At this 'Lavi' hung up extremely quickly after muttering something that sounded like "_Cross!_" Though I still don't get why.

Ten Minutes Later

A person ran up to the door and I assumed this person to be Lavi but I still felt the need to check. So did he seeing as how these were our first words, "Lavi?" then, "Yep, Kanda?" then another, "Yep," but from me this time. And then we were through with explanations and Lavi went to find Allen but I stopped him.

"What the fuck man?! Where is Allen?!" Lavi was obviously pissed.

"The name is Kanda. And I just want to warn you before you see him." This made Lavi settle down, though he looked more worried than ever. Then I continued, "He is in a horrible state and I need you to be calm about this, ok? You may be shocked. You may even be cared but I _need_ you to _stay calm_! Do you understand?" He gulped and then nodded finally realizing just how serious this situation really was. Then I proceeded to finish my last question, "And, just so we are clear, you are his friend correct? I mean you two are close?" He nodded again and I let go and whispered, "He's in the bathroom…" But before I could even finish he was already running. As soon as I heard Lavi go into the bathroom I heard a loud crash and started running to the room myself.

I looked in to see that Lavi had thrown himself against the sink and some stuff was knocked over. Then that was the noise. But what hade my attention more was how all the color from the red head's face had left. And by that I mean almost as white as Allen! So instead of letting him pass out I pulled him from the bathroom and shut the door so neither of us could see Allen anymore.

After Lavi seemed to be slightly calmer I started asking questions, "Has he ever done this before? And if he has, do you know how to get him out of this? If you've never seen it tell me someone you think might has." But even though I was being so demanding I stayed at a soft tone of voice. I could tell Lavi would freak if I was too harsh.

Slowly the boy looked up and said, "I have… never seen it before. I didn't even know… it was possible for someone… someone like…like Allen…to"- But he was cut off with his own sobs. He needed some time to recover from seeing that face. I don't blame him. It was hard to look at those eyes even for me and I hardly knew the kid. But I needed answers more. So I gently patted and rubbed his shoulders to soothe him. Soon enough it had the effect I wanted it to have but I seriously didn't want to do this any longer. It was annoying if not humiliating.

After some time he calmed down and spoke through his tears. "Allen's _guardian_.He is the only one I can think of who might know how to fix this. His name is Cross Marian. When I first met him he warned me something like this may happen but it was so long ago that we just thought that it wouldn't and he was just playing around like he always is." Lavi surprised me by sounding so… how do I say this… mad. He must really be a bad guy, this 'Cross'.

"I know the only way to contact him. You're lucky you found my number I guess. Anyway, if you go into the kitchen there is a button on the counter with a screen above it connected to the wall. It is round and golden. It is called Timcampy. A weird device that is sort of like video messaging. He said, and I quote, 'Never fucking_ touch_ this thing unless Allen has _broken_. If you don't know what that means you will when you need to use this thing. If he hasn't broken do not even attempt to touch it. I will come back here and strangle you if you do.' End of quote. That's what he said and I'm pretty sure this is what he meant when he said… broken." Lavi spoke with a grimace the whole time. But now I was already heading to the kitchen and looking for 'Timcampy' when Lavi walked straight to it and pointed. He made a gesture like 'well _I'm _not going to touch it' and I sighed. Was this guy really _that_ bad?

I looked at Timcampy and saw a little golden button just like Lavi said and quickly pressed it. Immediately the screen flashed on and this guy with red hair, hazel eyes, and a white suit showed up looking pissed. "What the fuck Lavi!? Didn't I say- Wait, who're you?!" Well how nice, the man _is_ an asshole.

"My name is Kanda Yuu and I need to speak with you about Allen." He seemed pissed for a moment before taking in what I said. Then he looked a little worried. But only just a little.

"Why? What happened? Did he break?" I thought he looked awful calm asking if his 'son' was broken…

"That is what we need to know. And you have to fix this, considering we don't know how." I hoped he would help though he didn't seem the type to go out of his way for someone. Especially since he is the man Allen was talking about and he didn't seem to care much for Allen's wellbeing.

"HA!" Lavi barked, "_This man_? _Help_? Uh huh, I'd like to see the infamous _Cross_ give a fuck about _Allen_, though I would have liked to see that many a time and still God never gave me the honor. Oh wait, you don't listen to God, I forgot, I should pray to the devil next time then maybe you'd be tempted to give a shit! You fucking **asshole!**" Whoa… What? This boy, this nice boy who seemed nothing but worried for Allen at first, could be this mean!? What the hell did his man do?! Oh wait… Allen sort of gave me a bit of an answer to that a little while ago and I guess I agree with Lavi but right now I need this man's help so I shot Lavi an apologetic look and spoke:

"Stop it. Didn't anyone ever teach you to respect your"- but I was cut off when I heard Cross laughing like a mad man and saw Lavi smirk. Apparently the kid knew what he was doing, because he made a motion for me to move and when I did he stood in front of the camera and flipped Cross off before continuing his earlier rant, "You need to give at least a little bit of care to your own. I don't give a flying fuck what you do to me when you get back here but I _demand_ you to get your fucking ass down to Japan as soon as you fucking can. Capiche?" And when Cross had stopped laughing he said, "You're in luck runt, I'm already here."

Not a second later the screen switched off and we decided to wait until Cross decided to show up.

Two Hours Later

The door swung open and the man that had been only on screen a few seconds ago was now standing right in front of me. But the only thing that was said was this, "Where is that baka apprentice?" Apparently that name was no news to Lavi as he didn't skip a beat when he replied with, "In the bathroom…" Neither of us – Lavi and I – had expected to see what we saw.

Allen was sitting there still doing the same exact thing he was doing when we left him there a couple of hours ago. I looked to Cross and noticed that he paled a little. But he didn't freak out which only made me believe that he had seen this before so I asked, "What's going on with Allen? I know you know you know so tell us how to fix it!"

Soon Cross replied with, "Who the fuck reminded him?" Though he was talking quietly, looking quite confused until, "He shouldn't be like this! He fucking forgot! _How_ and _why_ is he remembering now?!" I paled as I slowly understood what was going on.

I knew and yet I had to confirm it. "Is he remembering his father?" Was all I could get out before Cross had me pinned to the wall demanding me to tell him what I knew.

"B..Black…Or..der" I sputtered, unable to get out entire words because of Cross' tight grip on my neck. Soon after my response he let me go but punched me very hard in the face directly after. I heard Lavi yelling at Cross to stop but held up my hand. I deserved it. Because now I understood; Allen's condition, it was me who put him in it. That was all I could think before waves of guilt hit me one after another while Cross' glare reminded me knowingly, _'this is entirely your fault!' _  
_

**Ok so this is chapter three… I do ask that you review considering the amount I have is only two and that makes me very sad. **** But anyway, I hoped you enjoyed it. Sorry it was so depressing…**

**On another note I updated my other story Lonely Kanda a couple days ago! YAY **** If you are in the need to read something happy now I say don't read that…. But when you're neutral please go read it! It would make up for the lack of reviews on this story! Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Before you read I have to say… I AM SOOOO SORRY! I don't deserve your acceptation of my apology but, I have a reason! I lost my computer charger all these long weeks so I couldn't get to my files… And when I couldn't get to them I couldn't write new ones, and also I've been having what would be called a bad time with, well, just life in general. I had essays to write for mid-terms and all my writing juiciness was whisked away all this time… But anyway here is chapter four and once again I apologize for being so late! **

**Another thing, this is **_**mostly**_** a filler chapter. You won't find much new information if not any at all. Some of you may be highly perceptive and pick something up though… I dropped hints. Anyway near the end s the only time there will be new happenings. Sorry it isn't a great chappie after such a long time. **

Four

**Allen**

I felt nothing. I heard nothing and my mind thought nothing. To me this was ideal. There was nothing right now that could save me from the torture that is Mana Walker. Yes. Mana. My beloved father and lost life force. I think about all the memories I had with Cross (none good) and start to bawl again and again at how I know that if my Mana had never died that day then none of those things I went through would have happened. Then I cry more at the guilty feeling that comes with ever thinking this was his fault. I knew it wasn't and yet I still blamed him for everything that has happened.

If I think about it deeply enough I come to the realization that him starting that gang thing or whatever it was… I can't remember...was what started it all in the beginning. Had he not been in the Black, Black what again? Who cares? All that matters is that he wouldn't be dead. Memories had flooded through my entire soul as I watched them play in my head after that dream. Soon enough I couldn't take it anymore so I ran. But where did I go? All that's visible is blackness, and though I don't mind that fact at all, I have a feeling I left something behind… But what was it? Why can't I remember the events of just a little while ago when I am finally regaining everything from so long ago- not that I _wanted_ any of these memories in the first place. It hurt too much and I could tell that the pain from my wrist wasn't dulling me out anymore. Like the pain was going away- or it just stopped coming. I panicked because my darkness would eventually disappear if the pain stopped coming. The next thing I knew my darkness was blurring and I felt a vague chill of deja vu. A deja vu that has something to do with a terrible nightmare that I recall having not too long ago…

**Kanda **

I felt horrible. Knowing this was all my fault caused nothing but a unsubsiding, sweaty, sickness. I felt like dying. '_This is all my fault' _flowed through my head like a mantra that couldn't be stopped. Lavi tried to comfort me which only made me feel worse considering he had no idea what was going on but when he did he would certainly hate me. But sooner or later he would have to know… We had already dragged him this far in and later seemed no better than now. So with a face that betrayed no emotion I harshly pushed him away.

Lavi looked shocked to say the least. Well at least not as shocked as he was going to be in a few minutes but still shocked. A pain in my heart wouldn't subside as I muttered these words, "Lavi, I should probably tell you what's going on now…" In response Lavi's face turned from that of one that is shocked to confusion. It was sort of funny that he got so interested from just those words but I didn't mind. I mean, the more open he is to ideas the better right? Because what I'm about to tell him will be a lot easier for him to understand as long as he is willing to listen to the end.

"Lavi… Well I'll just be blunt; Allen's condition is my fault." I know I need to explain but I think it's best to at least let it sink in first. After all, it would be highly doubtful that the person who seemed desperate to get his help in order to help Allen is the one who caused the white-haired to be this way.

"…What are you talking about?" Was Lavi's only response after a second or two of silence. His face was now disbelieving and – low and behold – shocked again. With Cross pacing the room avoiding all contact with me or Lavi it surprised me that a small, satisfied smirk appeared on his face. Apparently he thought this was funny. I have absolutely _no_ idea why though what with his …. 'son'…. All not of this worldly-like…. But then again from what I hear he wouldn't give a shit anyway.

I decided to end my internal rant and finally answer his question, "Well right now Allen is remembering his father and…" I hesitated to continue because if I did I would have to give out confidential information about the Black Order…but it's too late I already decided. "His father was the last head of the Black Order," Lavi's eyes twitched at the name and it led me to believe this kid knew more than I had originally thought. _'Maybe this isn't such a good idea…' _Reluctantly I continued, "Which just so happens to be the highest in rank yakuza family in this area. His father's name is Mana Walker and he died when Allen was only six years old. Something I _didn't_ know was that he supposedly didn't remember any of the time spent with Mana and now he is in some sort of state of shock. The reason I say this is my fault is because I was the one that brought Mana Walker up. When meeting him I told him about the Black Order and who his father is. I didn't know this would happen…"

My perfect mask that I was able to keep during the whole explanation finally cracked when I heard that mantra again in my head as I looked into Lavi's horrified eyes, _'This is all my fault!'_ But before I could finish the thought, a blood-curdling scream pierced all three of our shocked ears and we just so happen to all recognize the voice…

**Allen**

My darkness was fading into a dim picture. I didn't know what the picture was yet but slowly it became clearer and clearer. When all the colors had sharpened and the scene before me became crystal, my heart raced. There, right in front of me, was none other than Mana Walker himself. He looked more serious than he normally did, he was in an office-like place with many people bowing their heads in his direction as he walked by, but a small me with brown hair and innocent eyes pulled his coat sleeve, smiled at Mana and sent him a silent message saying 'It's okay.'

Soon Mana was smiling sweetly, seemingly having no care in the world and they kept walking. Although seeing this peaceful scene should have made me feel warm and fuzzy, as would happen in any normal person, it scared _me_ half to death. Frozen in fear and not being able to do anything but watch was got me the most. I'm not such a wimp! But with what I know is coming I'm unable to run, move, or even just scream. I would only be able to do that when I actually see the picture that is about to come.

The deja vu that I had felt finally made its début in the so-called _memoire _of my brain. My dream, no my _nightmare_, from no other time than just a couple of hours ago was coming back and now I know what I will see after the peaceful first scene. Red. Death. Horror. It'll show me Mana lying on the ground, still, though I will still wait for him to stand pat my head and say it was nothing but a trick. That is what is coming next and I can't be blamed for being terrified. As I said before Mana is my life-line. There is no changing that fact, and running away at the end was probably the only part I truly _appreciated._ There was nothing like the color red where I was running and I felt like as long as I kept on running I might truly get away from that retched color.

Interrupting me from my thoughts, the colors began to blur…. I closed my eyes and tried to brace myself but came up with nothing. I wasn't seeing through my eyes in the first place. My mind held everything and the thought made my eyes sting with tears. I felt the familiar wetness pool in my eyes when the scene started becoming clearer. _'I don't want this! I'm scared! No! Stop!' _These words repeated in my head until the scene was completely visible again.

When I saw what was in front of me I was surprised to say the least. However the lingering feeling of fear was still swirling inside of me. Not yet had we gotten to the part where Mana was dead. This time instead of walking alone in the unknown area I was with Mana, holding his hand. His mouth is moving and I can tell he is trying to speak but I hear nothing. Nothing at all. Though the small brown-haired me seemed to understand all of it.

The colors blurred again and I saw a hint of red. I knew it was coming this time, so before it faded in I tried to make my resolve and run. When I finally thought I could do it my feet wouldn't move. I was scared again. I hated it. Being helpless wasn't like me. This is why I trained in martial arts, well other than the fact that Cross kept telling me to do it as well; I wanted to be able to protect myself. Being able to keep the debt collectors away was the only thing that redeemed me when I had to go home to Cross.

But the point is, I took fighting lessons so that I wouldn't be weak anymore! I took those lessons so when I was scared I would at least be able to stare down my opponent and be confident in my abilities to fight back. I didn't waste eighteen months of my life busting my ass so that when I see this picture for the _second_ time I wouldn't even be able to move.

'_Move, Move, __**Move,**__**MOVE!**__' _My right leg twitched. I could feel the power to dominate in my bones. I wouldn't lose to this. Memories are memories no matter how bad. I would keep them and eventually I would beat them. Finally my resolve hit as I remembered my friends, Tykki, Lavi, Lenalee, and Cross and even that raven-haired guy named Kanda. The only ones of those who are actually my friends were Lavi, Lenalee, and Tykki but Cross took me in, he healed me when I needed it the most. I was only six and he found potential in me, enough potential to take me with him. And Kanda, I have hardly known the guy for twenty-four hours but he knows my father. The place he came to take me to _is _my father. Or at least whatever is left of him.

Slowly the picture came into focus, but I had already started running. This time I didn't see it. This time I won. I could tell what the picture was even though I was running away because as I said I am seeing through my mind but running makes me get further and further away.

My darkness came back as I felt the picture get smaller and smaller. I'd broken free. But now I have to get back. I have to escape my mind. In the first place I got here by forgetting my feelings right? Well I can definitely say that my feelings are back, so how do I escape? As I thought this the blackness started to deteriorate and I felt something coming at me, _very _quickly. It felt like it was going to hit me like a baseball.

As I turned around I saw a bathtub and lights. I was back. But what I didn't expect was what came next. Emotions. They were the things that I felt flying towards me. Moreover, when I said 'like a baseball' I apparently meant 'like a brick'. Right in my face.

Though I say that in a joking manner, it was one of the worst pains in my life and that is saying something. I felt psychological torture. My mind, heart, and even my body felt like they were being ripped apart one by one. Picture yourself holding a piece of paper. My psyche is you and I am the sheet of paper. Slowly you tear at the corners, hearing a sound that signals the processed wood is slowly snapping and becoming unconnected. All the power I had left went into the heart-wrenching shriek that came not two seconds later.

**Kanda**

I looked to Lavi before I began to run. The only reason was that I had to confirm what I had heard. Allen sounded like he was dying; screaming bloody murder and it was horrifying. When I reached the bathroom for the fourth time that day, I could've cried. There Allen was; writhing on the ground, shaking and crying gripping his head tightly between his hands and arms.

Immediately I jumped into action. Grabbing Allen by the arms and yelled his name over and over, "Allen! Allen, it's ok! I'm here. It's me, Kanda. You don't know me very well but I apologize! When I came to see you I wasn't supposed to meet you in the first place. You aren't supposed to remember any of this! I'm sorry…. I'm so sorry." By now I was sobbing as well and even though I knew Lavi and Cross were probably staring at us with very weirded out expressions, I couldn't control my tears.

"!" I almost gasped as I felt small fragile arms wrap around my neck and a small bundle of hair cuddle into the crevice in between my head and my neck. Allen's sobs were softer now and I heard a door click shut signaling the fact that the others had left us alone. My tears still flowed in steady streams but I sat still and my voice was no longer able to be heard. We sat there alone. Crying in each other's arms, we sat for a while. There was nothing in my head except for the reassurance that Allen would be okay and the new found determination to never allow Allen to be hurt in any way _ever_ again.

I didn't know why I felt so protective over Allen yet. And I didn't realize at the time that maybe, just maybe, I was falling for a certain white-haired boy.

**Ok so I know that the relationship is coming in a little suddenly at just 24 hours but you have to know that in the next chapter we'll meet Komui and things will get in the way. So even though it is sort of sudden their relationship won't really start for a couple more chapters. Sorry for the filler, the late-ness, and if you didn't like it. Now I have a question. Would it be weird to have Lavi and Cross be together? Because I am definitely thinking about it. If not then it'll be Tykki and Lavi but I'll leave it up to you. See ya.**


End file.
